Flashback.

This numbness that overwhelms us is something that comes with broken trust.We try to hold it all in & hold ourselves up, pretending like we never fell into this rut.
The people we choose seem to be the ones we always lose
Like picking the prettiest flowers only to see them die is our arms after a few hours.
Its funny how you re even alarmed,
Life never went the way that you wanted, always an arms length away keeping you taunted.
So lets go back to the beginning to where this all began,
When you saw the world for what it was, dropped it all and ran.
Far far away as far as you could go, before you were even taught the meaning of no.
Wishing you could shrink up and crawl back inside her womb.
Seem to be the only place for you that there was ever room,
To form, grow and eventually develop
Into something more than just another setup
Take it farther back when you were just an idea
Funny how pain never was named in this game.
Thrown out into the world, without the slightest clue
Of what it meant to be alive and how to keep to you.
Truth is we are all just a bunch of misconceptions
Always on the search for the better connection
How can there be an end when you cant remember the beginning
Always on the downside, doesn't matter if you're winning
Let me know to Let it go just as soon as i begin to show
The truth is too much, but its the only thing i clutch.

Flow.

All i know is lately I've been dreaming
But I'm to high to remember
Or maybe to low underground
Dreaming plugged in
Notes of memories
How do you feel though
I don't know
Days passed where I knew
And this feeling is new
I don't know anything at all
All i lost forever
Cant tell whether
I'm changed or the same
With a different outlook
Because of the things you took
Am i dying or just recognizing
A deeper meaning
All i know is the older we get
The more i regret
Everything lost
And nothings been found
Memories unwind
And I am unwound
Tumbling down into daydreams and nightmares
Cant tell if I'm there anymore
My minds feeling sore
Of nothing more than all these chores
And these gatherings of burdens
But maybe I'm learning
A measurements difference
And I would of been dead
But I'm left here reminiscing instead
These bitter moods draining
And I cant stop complaining
But not to any faces
My mirror can all take
Because people will break
Under the pressure of the world
Under the pressure of my mind
And how it all works
And like clockwork
Its all repetition
Seemingly I never listen
To my reflection
This hell hole
You're happier about my life than I
But only because you don't get why
When what or how
I am this way now
One and one is two
But one with me and zero with you is none
Funny how I'm alive
After we've been done
i might not be in a logical place
But that's where I'm found
You moved me around
And I cant find a trace
Of where Ive been left
Being pierced with a rusty spear
Infections spread without you near
I intake the worst
Just to have something to feel
To replace this nothingness
Left in the wilderness with wet matches
A sorry excuse of existence
Insane how it shifts
The feet I walked before is no more
I dont want to start this life
This path in a new direction
Its the interception i mind
because it isnt mine
Same questions
Different answers
Same feeling
A years difference is all it takes
to recognize old mistakes
I get out of here soon
But not soon enough
How hard do i have to press
To get some sort of reaction
Just a small infraction
Would be a miracle of a difference
But its already been made
With the ideas that I've laid.

Listen.

Ask me for advice

But just first take a look at your life

How many lives have you lived because of love

How many of you have died because of love

How many of you have questions what is above

Because you’ve been left below

Digging Digging Digging

For some sort of reason

Some sort of scientific explanation

For why you’re tied down when you want to be free

But that’s just gravity

So don’t blame it on her, him, or me.

Your life, your choice, your responsibility

And I know about depression

Because I was born again in a facility

I was shown how to expand my mental capacity

Sitting in a room full of sedated insanity.

Because I was full already

Full of sadness

Full of pills

Full of hypocrisy

Full of shit

Call me crazy

Wish you understood

So maybe you could stand

On your own

And withstand.

Wish you were here

To lend me an ear

We all need advice

To be told more than twice

That we deserve the best in life

But id be a lie to say we don’t lie

So we can only rely

On those that have survived

Take knowledge from those who went to college

Learn a lesson from someone who had less than

Take an idea, respond with an onomatopoeia

Like BOOM! A new thought in your mind

Take my advice…

And question your life.

Don’t do it just for you.

Do it from her, him and me.

Because how the hell are we suppose to live peacefully

When we live life for just ourselves so selfishly.

Take it and question yourself religiously

Like it’s a test and failure is anything below a C

See why you do things?

See how you react?

See why it is that you prefer dogs over cats.

Ask why you prefer life over choice

Or why for some things you have a voice

I could go on and on

But that’d be wrong

Because this isn’t an integration

Its instigation

An internal investigation

Questioning yourself without hesitation

Speaking out without deliberation

Word vomit

And if you’re really on it

You’ll be running around unable to sit

Putting on glasses

and looking at trees

and saying mom I can finally see the leaves

I can see the roots

And I can see the solution.

Now I’m finally ready to draw a conclusion

So take my advice

Take it hard

Takes soft

Take it daily with a side of rice

You’re finally ready to live your life