Hello stranger,

Ive gone through them.Accepted them, invited them and used them up.
Searching searching searching for the reassurance you use to give.
I look into the eyes of every stranger looking for it,
Looking for you.
I cant find you.
I cant find me.
What was us?
A lie, a deception, yes.
But it was my home.
And in my best and in my worst i knew i had a home.
I might be healthier now but i lack a home.
I want it back more than anything.
Time passes and some times its easy but it seems now to be surrounding me more than ever.
I think about you every day.
And no its not sick. Its normal.
Because that's love.
And no not everyone will understand.
I resent the people who think they know me and want to get closer to me.
They aren't you. If they aren't you, i don't want them.
They don't know me, you do.
I miss you.
And against all the advice that people try to give me.
"Forget that part of your past, move on."
"Don't think about them Paulina, they don't think about you."
And it hurts me to think.... that maybe you don't think about me.
Maybe Matthew doesn't think about me either.
But how could you not?
I don't think everything we had was a lie.
I loved you and i still do,
The problem is that i will never stop loving you.
For the rest of my existence i will love you forever.
I could try to go on and on but no words will be able to convey this overwhelming feeling...


I've been trying to forget, to let go.
But its hard to let go when everywhere i go i hear your echo.
You are my shadow that follows me during the day and consumes me at night.
Shadows on my mirrors, my walls, my bed.
I sleep with a lamp on so that maybe it will shed some light on what I'm left here to deal with.
Just tell me. I near to hear the words from your perfectly formed lips that drip with sweet venom.
Tell me you don't want to see me again. That you don't want to hear my voice. Tell me that you don't want my comfort my understanding, my arms to hold you when you cry. I need to hear.
I feel left without an explanation to many things. Alas i said the words i dreaded the most. Now i wonder if I've been left behind or just forgotten. Should i keep the patience and wait till you need me next? I feel so over used but when i look into your bright eyes it doesn't seem to matter anymore because this makes sense. And you feel it too maybe that's why you run. You can hardly deny me once i spew my words that stick to you like some sort of disease. I am afraid that I'm just too good with words. I don't want to change your mind. Just open your eyes. Maybe i should open mine. We need to see whats really there or not. All i know is... I fell apart in your arms for the last time and i felt free to be who i am because of the things you told me.
I fear to show any sign of weakness to you for fear that you might  consider it a terminal flaw and you consider ,e too much of a risk. I wish you could see the risk isn't of importance. Life is lived just once and as long as we are trying to make the most of it and trying that's all that should matter. When one gives up the other helps but when both do then life just becomes platonic. There are no lows but  there are no highs! No love, no life lived, I'd much rather live on the edge and see the view and how far i have to fall, than live on the plains and never be able to look beyond the horizon, but no matter where you are the sun always sets. So we must put our faith in the moon, which never sets, never leaves the sky but must wait patiently for its time to glow and shed its milky light upon us. I am the moon and you are my eternal blazing sun.