Edited.

You gotta let go of that monster inside you sometimes
Or he'll start to get angry that hes being confined.
You'll eat yourself up from the inside out.
Destroying every single part of you without a doubt
of whats good or bad, and what you should keep.
That monster inside doesnt care what it eats.
Let it out to let it go.
Forgetting the truth in you you know
Holding on to hang it up
in the end when things dont go

You better hollow out your heart
because theres ice that dont belong there
and your starting to fall apart.

Make a decision before i make one up for you
Get away from the sickness before it controls you
Wont see me complaining about shit
and then refusing to change
I wasnt born with hypocrysy as my name.

Dont want to pretend to be somebody im not
but people seem to respond better when im down on lock.

She's so heavy.

I carry my burdens.
I'll carry yours too.
I am not obliged,
I want to.

I carry my burdens.
I'll carry yours too.
They arent that heavy
when I share them with you.

I carry your burdens
with a heavy heart
Knowing in the end
you will depart.

I carry my burdens
And I carry yours as well
I carry them wishing
it had not been farwell.

“And He said, “Cast your burdens upon Me
Those who are heavily laden,
Come to Me, all of you who are tired
Of carrying heavy loads,
For the yoke I will give you is easy
And My burden is light,
Come to Me and I will give you rest.”

—	Matthew 11:28-30

An old song for JD

You're a fragile girl.
Living in a viscious world.
I can only hope to be there
When you need someone.
The beauty I find in you.
Is of a different breed.
One which exceeds
All normal standards.
You are the flower that opens later
Than all the rest.
When the summer is gone
And the cold wind arrives.
And i realize with new eyes
You are so much more beautiful
Inside.
A delicate child.
In a world of hate.
But our bond is never up for debate.
With you I never regulate
What I say or do.
Every word is a thought spoken true.
I only wish you would walk around with a mirror.
So you could see clearer
What I see.
I want your walls to fall.
So you can see that life calls
To you.
You are more than what you see.
So much more.

Bullet shells on Cloud 9

I was living a life that wasn't me
I was trying to out live my fantasy
But I had a strong shock of reality
I was walking along in my dream
And I was shot down with the truth I must face.
The road I've been walking isn't real.
The bridge I was crossing isn't there.
I've been dropped from above and fallen hard to the floor
It's like my dreams didn't want me anymore.
I'm being punished for my sins,
But I'm human not an angel.
I walk through a valley of life and death truth and lies and deception
Every day I drag myself on no exception.
I see myself as a solider of my own cause and the worlds a battle I just have to fight and haven't yet won.
It's me against the world.
A war of a million lonely solitary soldiers fighting their own cause.
The battle I've been fighting isn't real.
The people on the sidelines will disappear.
The grounds opened up and taken me home
At least in hell my misery won't be alone.

Pull up your covers.

When the sun sets the misery settles in as well.
When darkness falls it brings the misery with it.
It's hardest at night.
The loneliness surround you.
Smothering you in darkness.
Covering you up to your neck
Blanketing you in selfdoubt.
Your old friend misery is back again.
It loves company and you seem to be her only friend

Devil in Disguise with Decieving Eyes.

I know I probably shouldn't.
But I will.
I know I usually couldn't.
But I did.
I know I said I wouldn't.
And I'm sorry.
I act like I am.
But I not.
But I want you to see.
Everything I wish I could be.
The good I wish I could.
But I'm not.
The bad I brush off my shoulders now, is the dust of my old self.
Coming back to haunt me.
A constant reminder.
That I am not who I think I am.
I am not who I wish I could be.
Im the devil in disguise with decieving eyes.

Runaway.

Be careful
There's a runaway out there.
Don't try to help him
Even though he's lost
Cuz he'll make you fall in love at any cost.
And then he'll runway again.
No where to be found.
But his voice remains
In your mind the only sound.
And you won't be able to rest
Cuz he took your heart right out of your chest.
He's a runaway without a home.
Someone took his heart
And he's on the search too
But he's lost cuz he doesn't know
Where she ran off to.
See she took his heart
And that's why he takes yours
Because to be in love is what he adores.

Revelations.

To not say their names
It to offer them protection
From the lies they spew.
You have your reasons
And I have mine.
But don't say you don't care
Cuz I can see you beginning to unwind.
Itching to get your questions answered
Scratching to get your way.
Doing it so subtle,
some people might consider it play.
But I've learned better.
Through trial and error
Youve got nails of a steet cat
Untamable and feral.
You dig your way in
So narrow and deep.
That no one can ever get that steep.
To pull you out by your hair.
Frankly because nobody cares.
They'd rather let you rot alone inside
But I let you stay
Cuz you've gotten ahold of my heart.
There's no taking you out
Without ripping me apart.
Your a leech
Your a tick
Your a parasite
But without having you around
Life wouldn't be worth living.
I wouldn't put up a fight.
Without you.
I'd be dead and gone
Out of sight.

We think with our hearts, we feel with our minds.

Stop thinking start feeling.You've eaten my soul, planted an impassable seed inside me.
I was fine. I was healthy and independent before this.
I had independent thoughts and independent dreams and now you're a frequent visitor.
Im not sure if you know the amount of control you have over me.
How every single action of yours and every word quickens my pulse.
I am constantly on edge. But I'm sure you know this.
Being like everyone else im sure you'll take advantage of it.
I cant play anymore, I'm fighting every single urge to just go to you.
This was harder than expected.
Why do I lack so much control when it comes to you.
I feel like a dog chasing cars.
Once I finally got you I dont know what I would do.
Am I ready to be let down again?
Would you?
You seem different. You don't seem like the rest. You aren't like anyone I've ever met before so why have you already let me down more than most. I hardly even know you but you seem to be able to put me in my place like no one has. You seem to be able to tame and control my anger and my desperation. You make me focus and then send my mind a flurry when you're absent.
I know I dont know what is coming. The issues that can emerge but at this moment I dont care anymore. I just want you. Every single thought and memory. Every story to every wall. Tell me about every brick in every wall you've built.
How is that when I am with you I feel so damn insignificant and small. I feel like a child again when with anyone else I feel like I am in such control.
If only you could be honest with your spoken word, if only you stopped making excuses.
There is no harm in giving in. I don't smile with a knife behind my back.
Words rush into my mind, and I can't seem to find anything important enough to pass my lips. It could be alternate substances or maybe the lack of nourishment or sleep thats making my head swirl, but I sit in this apartment just wanting to walk out that door and walk to find some kind of clarity in this emotion.
Quit sulking on what life has dealt you and read the cards that I hold in my hands.
I swear my hands are full of hearts.

Run.

I am rushed. There is not enough time to tell you all the things I want to say. There arent words to describe what I am thinking. Just know that I did not leave you.  I did not. They are taking me. I cannot stop them. They have total control over me, over my thoughts. There are too many. They know too much. Go into hiding my darling darkling. Hide in the memories that only we share. Go into them and live there. Dream to wake up. For I woke up to die. Dont come looking, for I am no longer there. My body will be gone by the time you read this note. They will go into our home. They will take everything. Every scrap of information, evey photograph, that might link back to that night. They are coming now. I hear them on the steps. Know that I love you, know that I never left.