She is so lovely.

I have excersised my heart more than any other organ. I have learned to depend on it's wants rather than the needs of mind and soul. Perhaps that is what has lead me to where I am now. The heart is a selfish thing. Never wanting to be alone. It doesn't deal with solitude well, seeking company in anyone it comes in contact with. I am no longer in the deep pit of darkness that I chose to reside in for the past few weeks but I am not yet free of the thoughts that put me there. I prefer the night lately because the daytime sheds light on too many memories. Things that are now unattainable. I have so many unanswered questions. So many why's. But I need to forget them if I want to prevail. I was a much more independent and joyous person before all of this started and I was so blinded sided when it ended that I didn't have much time to grab my composure. It is evident in my face the suffering I have experienced as of late. I am distant and hesitant to converse with you because I fear the compainionship that I seek and find in you.