Lets take a trip and stay in a hotel. Maybe then the truth will be expelled.

There has been something thats been haunting me for a while.
I don't even know how to explain it. I don't know if I'm ready to yet. Maybe that's why I am at lost for words. All i really know is that i really miss them. As many bad  things that happened between us all, they were all part of my life for a reason. Bestfriend and lover. I miss them both. But things have happened that cannot be changed. I don't want to know what goes on behind close doors but for some reason or another I always end up finding out. At least I don't have to see them anymore. Trouble is sometimes I want more than anything to be able to see them and talk to them and hug them but it's literally impossible. I have bipolar feelings about them. I wish so much that none of this ever happened and that I could of just been friends with them both. I can't even begin to imagine the damage that's been inflicted on us both by each other. I know she was delicate when i entered her life. The way more people should be. I makes them aware of the feelings of others. She is one of the most thoughtful people i had met. I don't know when that stopped or it ever was really.... I don't think I'm ready to talk about it quite yet. No I'm definitely not. My emotions shift from anger to sadness to adoration for her. I'm not ready. My insomnia continues.